Disclaimer: The following story is based on true events. However, in order to protect the privacy and identities of the individuals involved, certain names and identifying details have been altered. The intent is to maintain the authenticity of the narrative while safeguarding the privacy and anonymity of those whose stories are being shared.
On a beautiful day, I found myself in the company of a few good housewives, engaging in a discussion about the pivotal role that a homemaker plays in one’s life. The conversation was rich with intriguing perspectives and insightful responses.
As per their viewpoints, homemakers assume a pivotal role in society by making significant contributions to the stability and operation of households and families. But despite their significance, their contributions often go unnoticed, because they are basically engaged in unpaid labour.
As per their discussions among them, majority of the homemakers are responsible for these:
- Family Care and Support
- Child Rearing
- Household Management
To gauge their reactions, I ventured, “However, couldn’t all these tasks be managed by a full-time domestic helper for a monthly wage of around 15k? How is that a good value?”
With just that comment, I found myself positioned as the antagonist within the dynamics of the group.
“Oh, so you don’t appreciate the effort that goes into running a household? Just because a woman doesn’t earn a salary, her contributions hold no worth? Is that how you saw your own mother – as nothing more than a domestic worker?” These were some of the retorts I heard from them in response.
I transitioned from offering straightforward responses to posing a counter-question. I inquired, “Is the appreciation you express for homemakers reflective of your own status of homemaker or does it hold any truth?”
Answer was “Indeed, the value of a homemaker is equally substantial compared to that of their husbands who dedicate only half their day to the office and savor weekends off.”
I posed another question, asking, “Would you be open to marrying your educated and skilled daughter to someone who is proficient solely in homemaking?”
The room was engulfed in a profound silence as my question hung in the air.
Another situation that remains unresolved revolves around a case titled “Suman vs. Mahesh” (names altered for confidentiality reasons) – a legal battle that I’m advocating for from the husband’s perspective.
Above was a gossip, but this is a true story:
Suman and Mahesh crossed paths within a circle of friends, their affinity for one another gradually deepening over time, led them to tie the knot in 2009. However, the narrative takes a different turn in 2023, as Suman initiates a legal proceeding by filing for divorce. This pivotal step marks the current juncture in their journey.
But this is not the first time Suman applied for a decree of divorce.
Following the birth of their children, Suman’s ability to remain at home was limited to her maternal leave duration. Given her employment within the disciplined defense sector, known for its stringent rules, this constraint proved challenging. Suman’s profound love for her children led her to opt against entrusting their care to domestic help, valuing the unique care only parents could provide.
While Suman enjoyed a government position, Mahesh pursued a career in Hotel Management, a private job with comparable remuneration.
In light of their circumstances, Suman and Mahesh collectively made a decision. They arrived at an arrangement. Mahesh assumed the role of caregiver for the children, managing the household, while Suman continued her job, contributing financially to the family’s well-being.
Mahesh embraced his role as a HOMEMAKER, against the wishes and opinions of his parents, relatives and friends, trusting wholeheartedly in the commitment to relationship with Suman. Mahesh beginned shouldering the responsibilities of managing the household and caring for their children.
Fast forward to 2017
As their children grew, they began attending school and engaging in private tuition after classes. This phase saw Mahesh, who had been content in his role as a homemaker, face a shift in perception from Suman. She became increasingly uneasy about Mahesh’s stay-at-home status, expressing concerns over how others might perceive it. The scrutiny of society’s questions like, “What does your husband do?” or “Did you marry a man with no occupation?” weighed heavily on her mind.
Motivated by this, Mahesh embarked on a quest for new employment opportunities. However, he encountered a formidable obstacle in the form of a significant gap in his work history. Anyone familiar with private sector interviews knows that the first query centers on explaining such gaps, and responses like “managing the household” often fail to suffice. As a result, Mahesh struggled to secure a job that matched his previous earning capacity.
Meanwhile, Suman’s career flourished with salary increases, promotions, and various achievements. Given her unwavering professional focus and the responsibilities she entrusted to Mahesh at home, her trajectory in the job sphere remained impressive.
Although Mahesh diligently pursued work, he found himself entering a drastically transformed industry. His commitment to his job remained unwavering, yet the world proved to be an immense competitive arena. Consequently, reestablishing himself and sustaining a foothold, let alone progressing, became a monumental challenge.
What followed in 2018
Mahesh’s diminished income and status began to cast a shadow of shame over Suman. This eventually led to a conversation about divorce between the two. While Mahesh was not inclined towards ending their marriage, Suman had reached a resolute conclusion – she could no longer coexist with Mahesh due to the societal stigma she felt he had become.
The prospect of a mutual divorce was unattainable, given Mahesh’s unwillingness to grant consent. What transpired next mirrors a scenario encountered by most men in India today. An FIR was filed under sections 406 and 498A of the IPC (Indian Penal Code), accompanied by a divorce petition. Shockingly, allegations were leveled against a man, who earned less than one-third of his wife’s salary, accusing him of physically assaulting his spouse to extract additional dowry.
If these allegations appear logical to anyone, I’m left baffled about their reasoning. A wife who earns three times more than her husband is a dowry in her own self; thus, seeking dowry from her defies any reasonable logic & sense.
However, the law holds that “If a woman asserts that dowry was demanded, it is taken as confirmation of the demand for dowry,” without obligating the wife to provide any proof of the same.
Mahesh stood resolute in his determination and chose to contest the case. However, it didn’t take long before Suman withdrew the cases and agreed to reconcile, opting to live together once again.
Fast forward to year 2022
Even though Suman withdrew the legal cases and resumed living with Mahesh, the dynamics remained unchanged. Suman’s ego continued to swell with her position and rank, causing her to feel embarrassed by Mahesh. Consequently, the specter of divorce reemerged as a topic of discussion.
Suman’s actions escalated this time. She engaged the services of paid individuals who operated an unauthorized and illegal de-addiction center, coercing Mahesh into their custody for nearly four and a half months. She fabricated a story for Mahesh’s relatives and parents, claiming that his excessive drinking had prompted military officials to send him to this undisclosed facility, about which she claimed to know nothing.
During those months, Mahesh’s relatives and father repeatedly inquired about his whereabouts, only to be met with an unending stream of excuses. Frustrated, Mahesh’s father ultimately approached the Military Officials in a bid to ascertain his son’s location, only to discover that they were not involved in the situation.
Confronted with the gravity of the situation, Suman eventually disclosed Mahesh’s confinement location to his father, who promptly intervened and rescued him from this unlawful confinement in January 2023.
During his time in captivity, Mahesh’s entire body was afflicted by allergies, likely stemming from the fact that he had only one set of clothing to wear throughout the grueling four and a half months. The repercussions of this ordeal still linger, as he continues to undergo treatment for various skin-related problems that emerged during his confinement – issues that he had never experienced prior to this incident.
Subsequently, in the aftermath of Mahesh’s release, Suman initiated divorce proceedings, once again leveling similar allegations of dowry demand and physical abuse.
What next?
The situation remains uncertain. At this early phase of the case, we have not yet submitted any response. The court overseeing this matter is under the jurisdiction of a female judge, renowned for her reputation of being impartial and compassionate. Nonetheless, legal constraints persist, as the evolving legal landscape, influenced by changes enacted by the Supreme Court and High Courts, can impact the course of the case at any given moment.
The reason for bringing this matter into the public sphere is to challenge and dismantle the prevailing stereotypes that persist in our society. The contrast is stark – while a woman’s role as a homemaker is automatically deemed valuable, a man’s role in the same capacity lacks the same level of respect.
On the contrary, even when a woman opts to focus on her career and relegate household responsibilities, she’s still perceived with respect. Despite her own reluctance in assuming household responsiblities because of her career.
Moreover, pressuring a wife who has chosen not to work into employment and financial contribution is also deemed inappropriate behavior.
In essence, the underlying principle not about valuing the position of a HOMEMAKER, but respecting women in whatever she choses to do. Stereotype that a woman’s choices, regardless of her role, should be met with respect, while societal expectations often limit a man’s respectability solely to his capacity to earn and contribute financially to the family.
The distinction between right and wrong, respectable and not worthy of respect has been blurred in today’s world, where the paramount focus is on respecting women in every aspect of their lives, regardless of their choices.
What happens to the present case, we shall update it HERE. Meanwhile you keep your daughter in someone’s son’s shoe and see how fair you are to society and your belief.
Stay connected with us through our social media platforms to stay updated on the progress of this case. We encourage you to share your opinions and thoughts on the present situation and what course of action you would take if faced with a similar scenario. Feel free to share this story with someone you know who can relate to the challenges and experiences described here. Together, we can create a supportive community where experiences are shared, and valuable insights are exchanged.
